It’s not easy being you. But no one really understands, do they? ‘Cause on the outside, you look like you have it all together. You do your job without complaining, and you do it well. You offer a genuine smile when you meet people, and you’re always willing to lend a helpful hand. You’re great at listening to other people’s problems. But when it comes to sharing your own issues, you’re hesitant. You think, “What’s the point?” There’s not enough time in the week, plus it’s much easier to give the standard “I’m fine”, “I’m good” or occasional “I’m great”. The reality is, those responses couldn’t be further from the truth.
It was a small miracle that you rolled out of bed, got yourself ready and made your way to work today. Last night felt like it would never end. Conflict at home seems to pop up as often as the late bill payment notices. You don’t care to argue, but even in silence the tension creates heartache and disappointment. Almost a year ago you made a resolution to be free and be happier. Two months into the year, things seemed to be in a constant state of decline. You secretly tried to reach out to several therapists and professionals in hopes to help you out of this funk. But as each appointment date got closer you backed out and cancelled. Midway through the year, you realized that a lot of your issues came from years of growing up in a dysfunctional family system. Not long after that, you began to wish things could go back to when you were an innocent adolescent, before you were introduced to a world of abuse, deception, hate and bills.
After many revelations and tears, you spent months trying to paste together the pieces of your brokenness. You know something is to come from this. But whenever you get one side to fit, a new pattern of issues surface and send you back to the drawing board. Some parts of you feel strong, confident and fearless. Other parts seem to break you down and keep you from blossoming into what you’re really meant to be. And now, as the year comes closer to an end, you’re deciding on what to do with your life. You’re thinking about making new resolutions but feeling like “What’s the point?” You want real results this time. You think that maybe if you try not to think about it, it’ll all work out. Then you realize you’ve tried that before and ended up right where you are. Hurt, broken, wishing for an out.
Tonight you decide to turn off your phone, television, laptop and anything else that you’re usually on. You request to be left alone. You find yourself talking out loud to seemingly no one, pouring the years of pain out on your living room floor. Things come out that you didn’t know were still there. Hours of wrestling with yourself leaves you exhausted, but somehow you feel clearer than you have in years. You look a mess but it’s nothing a good nights rest can’t fix. And that’s exactly what you have. You wake up the next day before your alarm clock feeling surprisingly refreshed. You haven’t forgotten all the things that have been weighing heavy on you day after day. But you have the realization that in life things will happen that are out of your control. Accepting the good with the bad and doing the best you can with what you have becomes not only your new resolution, but one of your life goals. You sit alone in your car, just before you pull off for work, close your eyes and quietly say “thank you”.
Your lucky numbers for today: 2, 5, 16, 39, 85
Find your happiness, friend.